Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
