doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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