WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
