No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
