Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
