Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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