Don't you send me to vm
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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