my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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