I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
