When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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