don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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