Your tits are I can't wait for
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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