Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
