I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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