i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
i drank out of a bidet.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
