I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
