It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
