I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
