Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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