It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
