I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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