Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
