who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I've blown a few things in my day
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
