I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
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