3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I feel like I'm in dance class right now
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
