if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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