I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
