there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
