____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
