I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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