god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
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