I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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