we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
