Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
