We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Are we still banned from the library?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
