he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
