he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
