I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
