I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
