I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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