You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
