I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
