i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
