Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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