just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
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