i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Randomize
