I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize