I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
