went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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