did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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