He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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