There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
