i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
