I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize