if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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