I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
