life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
