Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
