I wish my penis had an off switch
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
She told me I should be a condom model.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
