I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
