we're blogging at a bar
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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