ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
