I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
We're too hungover to prance.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
