What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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