I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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