What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
