We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
