he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
