And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
