I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
As shirtless as possible
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
