my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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